After my initial visit to my then GP, I was referred to a urologist,who took an ultrasound and scheduled me for surgery at Sequoia Hospital in RWC within days. It was 1997. I was diagnosed, by my urologist, with TC after removal of my left testicle and subsequent biopsy. I was referred to an oncologist, and went into intensive chemotherapy. Sometime around 1999 I was pronounced "healthy" again by my oncologist.

I returned to see him as late as maybe early 2000 for a follow-up CT Scan. At this point, whatever lack of energy I had was bothersome, but I had not yet fallen into my worst depression. I suspect I had been suffering from depression well prior to 1997...who knows?
Shortly afer returning to work fulltime, after my period on disability during chemo, I consulted a psychologist for help with my post-cancer-diagnosis depression. Most kind. Around this time I also began having breathing problems and reactions that seemed allergic.

I saw an allergy-specialist and was diagnosed with asthma and specific allergies. After a roughly one and a half year stay in Milpitas, CA, I had moved in with my future wife. I had visited my GP, even after moving, a few times for various ailments but I can't remember the urgency of my depression being the key complaint.

I fell ill with a severe case of bronchitis that had lead to my need for closer examination of my breathing. I seemed to have breathing problems after this episode {which was thanks to a vodka-drinking binge with a roomful of Russian friends...lots of violent expulsions... ; )}.

My next encounter was with shigella, which put me in the hospital at the 8+ month-point in my wife's pregnancy. I was at work, in the midst of my most demanding project and phase of critical responsibility. Sometime around 2 weeks after my daughter was born, Nov. 2000, I was writing, as has been a major creative outlet in my life since the early 80's, and the poem that was materializing derived from an "attack" of severe, suicidal depression-mind. My wife and daughter were sleeping and I watched them sleep as I was writing during gripping stages of insomnia.

After extreme concern for my mental health unlike any I had previously experienced, I made an appointment to see my new GP to ask for help. I got a 'script for Prozac and after some period of metabolic adjustment, I found my ultra-blissful highs and seriously frightening lows to be unacceptable. I switched to Effexor with my next visit/complaint.

The next encounter was with a kidney stone. I passed the stone. Prior to my 'script for Prozac, as I recall, I had a "mood attack" at work. It was in the presence of both my boss and an important client, in a hallway or our just-completed newly-constructed office buildings. I was an integral part, as Facilities Manager, in the 2 1/2 year new facility and corporate relocation project. I apologized to all affected, though my incident was not forgotten and left a mark on my employment performance review. I seem to remember this incident happening around Jan 2001. I can't recall what month during this phase of breakdown when I actually started anti-depressants.

Around April of 2001 my close friend and most valuable employee gave me his notice that he would be resigning. This made me really consider my position. After asking my GP if I could get off of Effexor, because I complained that my symptoms did not seem to be going away, and my depression did not seem to be improving at some deep level, he said I could cold-turkey stop the Effexor, which I did. After 2 days without medication, I thought I would have to jump through a plate-glass window. My head was so out-of-sorts that I couldn't function. I returned to Effexor and later switched to Celexa, which I have been using ever since. We moved here one year ago. I had a full physical exam and continued to inquire about my "cottony forehead pressure," my lack of energy and so forth. I had my thyroid checked, and I can't remember what else.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that, after continuing problems with mental clarity, severe lack of energy and awful bouts with depression attacks, that I decided I had to do something myself and that my search for help would have to focus on post-TC trauma. I had been seeing a psychologist here in NY who was not helping to seriously improve my mental health. I asked repeatedly for help in changing my medication through his psychopharmocology associate, but to no avail. I assumed my only source of help a month or so ago would have to be spiritual and that I was surely headed for either the nuthouse or the morgue.

My daughter's presence and my wife's care kept me from either. But time was playing more and more tricks on me and things seemed very serious in my mind. I was afraid. So I did manage to find TC NET and you, Nick. And after help from you and Doug, I did not hesitate to schedule an appointment with my GP for hormone testing.

I saw my new oncologist, Friday, 14 Feb 2003, and started Androgel the same day. Last Wed., 19 Feb 2003, my follow-up appointment with my GP, revealed that my blood analysis indicates I have hypogonadism. My total testosterone was "out-of-range." I am improving, slowly, in disposition now and my energy has increased a bit. I am still not feeling well. I am still depressed and I am hoping my new TRT and related discoveries and constant feedback from you and TC NET will restore my health enough so I can enjoy my life again and respond actively to my pursuits with vigor and hope.

Editors note: Kevin has weaned himself off anti-depressants now and is feeling very well. His Androgel dose stands at 7.5 mg per day.